Learning How to Date After A Divorce (with Six Kids) | by Integrated Love, Sex and Relationship Coach Amber Montee

Learning how to date at the age of 34 for the first time in my entire life was really quite difficult- and that is a gross understatement. I had been with the same man since I was 19 years old….which basically felt like forever. Although he was not my first lover, he was the one I literally grew up with and spent the majority of my sexually formative years with. I also had never really “dated” before. I was one of those little girls who was sneaking kisses from boys in the bushes in Kindergarten and had boys chasing me all through elementary school. And sure, I had boyfriends in high school, but I never really dated- aka gone out on a date type of thing.

In the beginning, it was definitely incredibly foreign to kiss another man let alone be intimate with one. I started my dating venture with a very kind and loving man who was a few years older than I. He was nurturing and patient and he held my hand as I walked through learning how to be with a man who was different than my ex husband. Through hard work, the memory of what is once felt like home to me slowly faded away. I forgot his smell, how it felt to be wrapped up in his arms, and what his lips felt pressed against mine.

I also, worked with a sex coach so I could surrender and let go sexually, I did jade egg practice, I meditated, I spoke openly about my struggles and awkwardness, and I let myself cry and feel whatever it is I needed to feel. I believe the only way through
is down and within. When women let themselves truly feel the pain and fear or whatever it is they need to feel and go within, that is when healing and resurrection can occur.

We parted ways several months later and I found myself ready to fully surrender to whatever it was the dating world had planned for me. I craved to be on my own and to find my true inner beauty and strength. I noticed myself coming into my sexuality in a way I had never experienced before. Although I had always been a very sexual person, even from a young age, this was next level…and I finally understood the words I had heard from all the women who had come before me that we go through our sexual prime in our 30s and 40s. I dated up a storm. I dated boys 12 years my junior and men who were 13 years my senior. I realized us women are super sexy and ridiculously hot after becoming a mom. Sure there is something to be said about having an unflawed body at 25 but it is FAR better to be in your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s and feel and believe in your sexiness. It felt good to let go and be carefree and act however I wanted to. I could flirt with anyone I desired. I learned how to on-line date, date the old -fashioned way, and every way in between. I loved dating multiple people and I also enjoyed my solo time just as much. Men thought I was sexy and amazing that I had a gaggle of children in tow. Never once did I ever find a man that shied away from the fact I was a mom- let alone a mom to 6 kiddos. I felt free, sexy, powerful, and beautiful all wrapped up in to one package.

I am now remarried and looking back on how I learned to date after going through a divorce was one of the most empowering and liberating things I have done. It was through that process I learned to embody, embrace, and believe in my sexiness.